


The Search

by gmalkin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur is a mess, BAMF Merlin, F/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin is So Done (Merlin), Multi, Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), Pining Arthur, Sad Merlin, The timeline is a bit of a mess, Uther is alive but Merlin gives S5 vibes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25676890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmalkin/pseuds/gmalkin
Summary: Merlin stared at the chipped, peeling wooden ceiling above him, his bruised body ached against the rough sheets, throbbing pain in his ribs and hip bones as he tried to find an even remotely comfortable position.He groaned, swearing to himself that today he wouldn’t even try to stop another attack on Arthur, not if it meant he had to be beaten to a pulp again.Merlin is trying to figure out who he’d become since being at Arthur’s side, a looming threat distracts them; will this quest and its revelations pull them apart or push them closer?
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	1. The beginning

_Spears of pain forced itself through Merlin’s skull, he panicked, he hadn’t expected the Druid to be so powerful, ‘why are you doing this, Eromir?’ Merlin asked through gritted teeth, ‘the druids are peaceful people, don’t you wish for Arthur to rule?’  
He laughed, a painful, raw sound. ‘That was what I believed, and I believed in you, Emrys, until I watched my son burn, and I saw you stand by the once and future king’s side, doing nothing? You are a traitor to your kind.’_

_Merlin wanted to apologise, to beg, tell him that he knew he’d lost himself, had become jaded in the endless battles, but the words got caught in his throat, tears stung his cheeks as he raised his head, pushing out his hands as magic lanced out of him, he couldn’t even flinch as he heard bones crack as he hit the trees._

Merlin stared at the chipped, peeling wooden ceiling above him, his bruised body ached against the rough sheets, throbbing pain in his ribs and hip bones as he tried to find an even remotely comfortable position.  
He groaned, swearing to himself that today he wouldn’t even try to stop another attack on Arthur, not if it meant he had to be beaten to a pulp again.

He was just beginning to drift back to sleep when Gaius called from the front room, ‘Merlin! If you don’t leave now you’ll be late, do you want him to believe you spent another night in the tavern?’  
Merlin bit back a retort and slowly pulled himself to his feet, he felt his magic pull within his fingers, as if restless, strange, he thought.  
Shrugging it off as it being due to his injuries, he stepped out. Forcing a grin on his lips as he grabbed a piece of bread from Gaius’ plate, hoping his mentor’s protests would cover the growl of his stomach. 

By the time he’d reached Arthur’s chambers, he knew he was in for a long day, he heard shuffling behind the door and he braced himself before walking in; ‘Merlin, what time do you call this? I have a council meeting in fifteen minutes and I haven’t even got a shirt on!’

‘It’s not my fault you can’t dress yourself.’ Merlin deadpanned, hoping to change the subject, Arthur opened his mouth in indignation before sighing, a ghost of a smile on his lips as Merlin reached for the clothing thrown onto the floor from Arthur’s frantic searching; ‘I swear you’re trying to make my job harder, Arthur.’ Merlin whined. 

‘It’s not my fault you couldn’t wake up before midday.’ Arthur parroted, smiling like an idiot.  
‘Why’s this meeting so important? You usually don’t speak before sundown,’ Merlin questioned, ignoring Arthur.  
‘Queen Annis’ kingdom needs our help; a team of sorcerers have been eliminating those they deem evil, it’s rather cruel, acting as judge and executioner.’ 

Merlin’s brows raised at the mention of sorcerers, biting his tongue at the hypocrisy, King Uther and, sometimes even Arthur, have committed the same acts, and yet they do not burn.  
‘Are you going to be getting involved? Searching for them?’

‘That depends on what father says, if he believes this threat could reach Camelot, we must stop it as soon as we can.’ Arthur states, as he walks out to the council chambers, a determination and youth in his eyes that almost made Merlin believe in what he was saying. He couldn’t remember when that same strength had faded from himself.

He shut his eyes for a moment, trying to halt his own train of thought, he was already planning how to deal with, no, kill. These sorcerers before even knowing if they’d have to go.  
‘Maybe they should come after me, I’m a traitor to my own kind.’ He murmured, the words of the Druid echoing in his mind. 

———————————————————

He knew they would have to go, but it still didn’t stop his heart from falling to his feet when Arthur told him to pack and prepare the horses.  
‘Arthur, this is a terrible idea, why wouldn’t your father send a patrol of knights instead of just you? Is he trying to get you killed?’ Merlin whispered the last part, trying to keep up with Arthur as he carried the saddle bags.

‘Father believes I’ve been unfocused lately he thought this would help. Besides, a battalion would only alert them.’ Arthur said simply, trying to hide his own concern.  
‘It’s a suicide mission.’ Grumbled Merlin, cursing the fact that this was the man he had a destiny to protect. 

Arthur watched Merlin as he reigned the horses, not missing the slight grimaces as he worked. And the purple bruises on his hands, he’d been noticing a lot more about his manservant, his friend, more often than not he seemed to be in some sort of pain.

Arthur pretended it didn’t infuriate him, the thought of someone hurting Merlin sometimes made him see red, although he’d never admit it. He decided he’d ask once they were alone; despite the severity of the mission they’d been put on, he couldn’t help but smile slightly, he and Merlin hadn’t had a chance to talk for a while with all the duties piling up and his father never letting him leave the citadel without protection. 

‘Are you done gawking? We should leave now so we can reach the valleys by nightfall, maybe we can avoid the bandits.’ Merlin asked, raising an eyebrow at the flustered Arthur, he was probably daydreaming about Gwen, Merlin mused. 

As he pulled himself onto the horse’s back, he looked back at Arthur, not missing the look of worry.  
This is going to go so wrong, Merlin thought as he tapped the horse’s ribs and said he silent goodbye to the gates of Camelot.


	2. Chapter 2

Uther paced through the great hall, ignoring Morgana’s following eyes. ‘You did the right thing, Sire. He’s in need of a lesson in the dangers of magic once again.’ Morgana stated, placing a hand on his back, attempting to hide her amusement at the King’s worry.

Uther looked over to her, his shoulders relaxed slightly, ‘I know, I just hope he doesn’t get too hurt, Gaius believes I may have been too hasty to send my son, not knowing how large of a threat they could be.’ 

‘He’s a skilled knight, he knows what he’s doing.’   
Uther nodded slightly as Morgana started to walk away, a smile pulling on her lips, her plan was working perfectly; by the end of this quest Arthur would be dealt with along with Merlin, the manservant that had somehow caused her so many troubles; and she would be the heir to the throne, freeing magic once again. 

———————————————————-

Merlin’s eyes felt heavy and his back ached more than that morning, if that was possible. They’d been riding for hours and he expected for bandits to jump into their path at any moment, Camelot’s patrols should be improved, he thought briefly. 

He looked ahead at Arthur, a few feet in front of him which he couldn’t help but feel anxious about, he watched as he rode, his relaxed shoulders and features deep in thought, but due to experience Merlin knew that however unfocused he seemed, he could jump into action in seconds.  
‘You know, Arthur, you shouldn’t think so hard you’ll fall off your horse.’ Merlin called ahead.

Arthur turned to look at him from the corner of his eye, Merlin’s smile drifted from his lips as instead of seeing humour on Arthur’s face he saw concern, ‘what’s wrong? Did I say something?’

Arthur opened his mouth for a moment before shutting it again, giving Merlin a once over, ‘it’s nothing.’ He said after a few beats.  
‘Well it’s obviously not nothing, what happened, Arthur?’ Merlin prodded.

‘Truly, it’s nothing. I- I just wanted to give you the option to return home, if you’d wish. Sorcerers are dangerous, especially these ones.’  
Merlin snorted, ‘Arthur, I’ve followed you into worse situations, I wouldn’t back out now.’   
Arthur smiles softly before turning back around, ‘thought you’d say so.’ 

Arthur cursed himself slightly, how hard was it to simply ask if someone was alright? He looked back again for a moment, noticing Merlin’s tight jaw, knowing he hadn’t bought that that was all he’d meant to say; he’d been trying to figure out how to ask for the past two hours, and each time he attempted to speak he stopped himself, how could he run into battle and yet not speak to one man. 

———————————————————-

The pair continued on until nightfall, before halting and setting up a small camp, making sure Arthur was looking away, Merlin formed the flames for the fire; he hissed in pain as the whips of gold engulfed his hand before returning to the kindling. He stared at his rawly burnt hand in confusion, that had never happened before.  
He did the spell again, a small flame appeared in his palm, not burning or fighting against him, putting it out he watched the dancing fire beneath him and remembered the strange feeling he’d had that morning, what was happening to his magic? 

In that moment he heard twigs snap as Arthur emerged from the tree line, he instantly looked down to Merlin’s hand and concern filled his eyes, ‘Merlin! What happened? You’ve lit a thousand fires how did you get burnt.’ He ranted, rushing to Merlin’s side and gingerly holding his hand to the light.

Merlin chuckled nervously, ‘I don’t know, must’ve been distracted, really, it’s not that bad Arthur.’ He attempted to pull his hand back from Arthur’s firm grip, but he wouldn’t let go and dragged him to the water’s edge. ‘You need to be more careful, Merlin.’ Arthur admonished, showing a rare for of softness, catching him off guard. 

‘I know,’ Merlin whispered, ‘if I didn’t keep myself self alive who would make sure you returned to Camelot in one piece’ he said, a smile returning to his face.   
Arthur rolled his eyes before pushing Merlin’s hand into the water, smiling at his barely contained yelp.   
‘You could’ve warned me.’ He pouted. 

Arthur chuckled, barely able to form words at Merlin’s expression.  
After a few quiet moments, Arthur sighed. ‘Are you okay, Merlin. And I don’t mean your hand I mean, I mean generally, before today? You seem... I don’t know.’ 

Merlin looked up at him, mouth hanging open slightly, ‘i... what’s brought this on?’ 

Arthur shifted slightly, ‘I don’t know, Merlin you just seem, tired, like you’re hurt. Am I wrong?’   
Merlin looked into Arthur’s uncertain eyes, a well of fondness raised in his chest. 

‘I, I suppose I haven’t been sleeping much. Between working under Gaius and you I’ve been having to do some late nights. Nothing I can’t handle though, and being tired I’ve been a little more clumsy than usual.’ Merlin said, hating how he had to lie through his teeth in a situation like this, but hoping it at least seemed sincere. 

He looked down to his hands, watching the water rush over his fingers.   
‘Well, maybe I can finally give you that day off, if we make it back.’ Arthur said, before rising to his feet and squeezing Merlin’s shoulder for a few seconds, ‘keep your hand in that water for a few more minutes.’ He called back, walking to the camp.

As he saw Arthur walk over the small hill, Merlin turned back to the water.   
He raised his hands over the lake, feeling his magic roll to his fingertips.   
The water rised and curled around itself and around his wrists as if they were one, Merlin smiled lightly before the water fell from his grasp like rocks, he felt his magic thump in his chest like he’d been hit.  
His vision blurred slightly in pain before he recovered.

He looked to his shaking soaked hands. ‘What is going on.’ He whispered, fear settling in his stomach. Without his magic, what was he?

——————————————————-

Rehora flew backwards, his back slamming against a tree as the magic slammed into him.  
‘Jesus.’ He groaned, barely getting air into his lungs.  
‘Rehora, are you okay? What happened?’ 

Aletor walked over to him, reaching his hand out to lift him to his feet.  
‘Yes, I’m okay, brother. The serving boy sent with the Prince to destroy us. He is a strong sorcerer, when I attempted to intercept his magic it fought back, that is all.’

Aletor looked at him in confusion. ‘A sorcerer with Camelot’s prince? Are you sure.’   
He nodded, ‘I’m certain, but the prince is not aware the boy has magic.’  
He smiled lightly. ‘Of course not. This could be useful.’  
‘My thoughts exactly.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks to everyone reading this I appreciate it and any thoughts you have feel free to give feedback! It helps me improve my writing and if there are any errors please point them out! Thanks again and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!! X


	3. Chapter 3

_Merlin’s eyes snapped open as he heard a loud crash; he whipped his head towards the incessant sound. ‘Arthur is that you?’ He called, not able to see the young prince.  
He got to his feet, stumbling with bleary eyes, the sound seemed to be coming from the stream._

_As he walked, he saw a figure, light was emitting from it, it’s body moved almost like a liquid.  
‘Hello? Who are you?’ He called, unsure of what to say or do.   
The figure turned towards him, walking, if that’s the right word, until it’s featureless face was level with his own.  
Being so close, Merlin could feel it’s aura, it was calming, familiar somehow.  
‘Do I know you?’ He whispered, unsure if it was a threat or not._

_The figure almost looked disappointed, it placed a hand on Merlin’s chest; heat flowed through his veins as if he’d been set on fire, glimpses of the Camelot square flew through his eyes as he felt rope rubbing his wrists, he was on a pyre, he realised.  
He looked up, holding back the noises bubbling in his throat. He saw Arthur. Staring down at him without a single emotion on his face.  
The flames drowned him as he screamed. _

Merlin opened his eyes, drawing in a heaving breathe while he pulled himself off of his bed mat.   
He placed his head on his drawn up knees, breathing deeply.  
He’d had this dream hundreds of times, Arthur or Uther uncovering his magic and him burning, but it had never felt so real, almost prophetic.  
He shook off the thought, he couldn’t think about that being possible, not right now. 

He looked over to where Arthur was sleeping, flashes of that cold stare filling his vision as he watched the sleeping man.  
He shut his eyes again and placed his back on the ground again, looking over, he tried to match his breathing to Arthur’s slow rise and fall.

He looked up to the sky, watching the trees slowly sway, a leaf fell from a branch, twisting and falling before being pulled away by a gust of wind.   
He was so, so tired. His body still hurt, his hand still raw, and he could feel the turmoil of his magic in his soul. He couldn’t take much more. But things would get better. They had to.

———————————————————

Gaius paced through his small work room, instinctively glancing to Merlin’s room; expecting him to rush out having overslept once again, but, as usual the silence remained.   
He knew something was wrong, this journey was too sudden, too dangerous; he couldn’t understand Uther’s reasoning which worried him further.

‘Gaius?’   
He jolted out of his thoughts and turned around, his blood ran cold as he saw Morgana.  
‘My lady?’ He replied. Attempting to inject some levity into his tone. 

‘Please, you know you can call me Morgana.’ She said, her warm smile contrasting the coldness in her eyes.  
‘Morgana,’ he corrected, ‘is there a problem, an ailment you need aid with?’ 

‘No, Gaius, I don’t have a physical issue. But... I have a question, a hypothetical.’ She stated, running her fingers over the work bench with a faux look of innocence.  
‘And what would that be?’ 

‘We both know you’re well versed in magic, so you’re all I could ask. How long, and again this is all hypothetical, would a defenceless servant and an overconfident knight last against some of the most well trained killers and sorcerers in this land? Because you see, although, in theory, I may have... planted a few ideas in dear Uther’s head; I had no hand in the rest, so I am curious as to when this... quest, of there’s will end.’ 

At the look on Gaius’ face Morgana smiled gleefully.  
Gaius paled and damned himself for not seeing this earlier, he could’ve warned Merlin; she was the only one who could convince Uther to do something so careless.  
‘The answer to that eludes me, Morgana, but whatever happens may surprise you.’ 

Her gaze hardened; ‘yes, it may surprise both of us.’ She said, walking to the door.  
‘What was the point of you coming here, Morgana?’ 

She looked over her shoulder before pouting. ‘What’s the matter, Gaius. We used to be so close! I just wanted you to be prepared for what we both know is about to happen. I don’t want that old heart giving out.’   
With that, she stepped out of the room, as Gaius listened to her steps recede, he sat at the table holding his head in his hands.

‘Please, Merlin. Be careful.’ He said, hoping that somehow Merlin would know something was amiss. 

———————————————————

Arthur blinked awake at the sound of movement; he turned to see Merlin packing, grimacing everytime he made too much noise, Arthur smiled.  
‘It’s fascinating, even when you try so hard to be quiet you sound like a horse that got into the kitchens.’ 

Merlin jumped at the sudden sound, dropping the bed roll in his hands before sighing. Arthur frowned at the shake in his hands.  
Merlin turned to him with a sheepish grin, ‘sorry, I couldn’t sleep so I thought I might as well get a head start, but since you’re up, it’s not actually too early.’ He said, looking to the just risen sun.

‘How much sleep did you get?’ Arthur questioned, noticing the sloppier than usual movements.  
‘I don’t know, three? Maybe four hours. I think it was my hand, I kept accidentally laying on it.’ He stated, waving as if to prove it.

Arthur rolled his eyes, ‘let me take a look again before we go, it was dark so I couldn’t tell how bad it was.’   
‘Arthur, you seem to forget that Gaius has trained me as a physician, I know what a bad burn looks like and I’m fine.’ Merlin complained.

Arthur stopped talking for a moment, he did often forget that Merlin wasn’t completely incompetent.  
‘If you weren’t the one injured I’d trust your judgement, how am I supposed to know you’re not playing it off; give me your hand.’ Arthur said pointedly, blushing slightly at his wording. 

Merlin chuckled and held out his hand in defeat. Now that Arthur could see it properly the wound was strange; instead of it being just in one place it was like flames themselves had come from the palm, he could see the curling patterns that he saw so often in the fire, spiking up to his wrist.   
‘It’s a strange injury.’ Arthur murmured absently, running his fingers over Merlin’s rough palm, cringing at the callouses that weren’t there a few years ago. 

‘Yeah I noticed, I still have no idea how it happened, but we can both agree it’s not that serious, cant we?’ Merlin huffed out.  
‘Yes, I suppose.’ Arthur sighed, ‘let’s go then, shall we?’

For a few moments neither of them moved, Arthur still cradled Merlin’s hand.  
Merlin looked up to him for a few moments, light glinted off his blue eyes as he did so.  
He looked away, coughing slightly and sliding his hand out of Arthur’s loose grip.   
‘Right, I’ll finish up packing the horses, could you fill the water skins?’ He spoke erratically.

As Arthur walked away to the stream he clenched his jaw, he had banished those thoughts of Arthur years ago, especially after Gwen, but, just like everything over the past few days something had been shaken loose.   
He placed his hand on the warm neck of his horse, calming himself as best he could and pulling himself together. They weren’t safe here and he couldn’t let his guard down over something so menial.

Arthur slowly walked up the hill, seeing Merlin hunched slightly as he packed the horses, after his initial giddiness wore off he frowned once again, Merlin had reacted terribly, he’d messed up for what felt like the hundredth time. 

‘Let’s move,’ Merlin said, smiling tightly over at Arthur, ‘we’ve wasted too much time here already.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, thanks again for reading and I hope you like it! Feel free to give any feedback as I’m new to writing this sort of genre and would love to know if there’s any way to improve!  
> Thanks again! X

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first Merlin fic and I won’t lie haven’t watched the show for a few years! so it’s a little strange going into it, sorry if it’s a little disjointed.  
> If you have any suggestions or feedback that’d be great and let me know if there’s any errors! Thanks for giving this fic a shot and leave a comment with your thoughts! Thanks again! X


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